Twice As Nice

Welcome to

In Search of a Happy Ending!

Once a month I’ll bring you my thoughts on a variety of topics that relate to personal relationships and issues.

I’ll also be accepting questions from you, and offering my advice and hard-earned wisdom to anyone who may be struggling with a personal problem and would appreciate a fresh outlook on it. I am not a psychologist, a therapist or a social worker. I live in New York and consider myself a student of life and love—a passionate anthropologist. I am also the person friends and relatives call when they are down and need a lift. I have a knack for helping people feel better, and helping them make sound decisions that improve their lives. In fact, I received accolades for an advice column I wrote under a pseudonym, which you can read all about on my website: http://www.BonnieTrachtenberg.com

I used to know a man who hated the word “nice.” According to him, its meaning was too bland, ubiquitous and lacking in intensity. I thought he had a small point, until I got to know him a bit better. Webster’s Dictionary offers some synonyms for the word, including: pleasing; agreeable; delightful; amiably; pleasant; and kind. When the man I referred to showed his true colors, they were more in line with the antonym: unpleasant, unkind and improper. Maybe that’s why he hated the word; it reflected everything he chose not to be in life.

Over the years, I’ve often thought about the word “nice” and how it relates to me and those around me. I am a person who goes out of her way not to say anything hurtful to people, who tries to boost my friends and family like a cheerleader when they are feeling low, who saves animals (I have four cats and a dog) and feeds and shelters the strays I can’t adopt, in my backyard. I come from good stock: my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles have set the kindness bar rather high.

Recently, I accidentally forgot to attend a friend’s big event due to my life overload; I cried and kicked myself for three days until another good friend talked me down. “It was an accident,” she told me. “Don’t beat yourself up. You are a nice person and that’s why we are friends.” She pointed out that many people would do the same thing, not out of forgetfulness, but out of inconsideration—and what’s worse, they wouldn’t give it a second thought. She was right. In my family, we worry ourselves silly that we may have said or done the wrong thing unintentionally—literally make ourselves sick over something we never meant to do.

Recently, thanks to the internet and the intensive marketing of my debut novel, Wedlocked, I’ve experienced “nice” on a whole new level. With help from Twitter and Facebook, I’ve met hundreds of people all over the world, including the amazing and talented people at Love a Happy Ending. The very first day I came aboard, they offered their friendship and support. Although they, and my other new internet friends, may sometimes seem almost like wonderful figments of my imagination who live in my laptop, the actions, gestures and sentiments they communicate are clearly three dimensional and genuine. It’s astonishing to me that people who were complete strangers a few months ago, have become such an unexpected and wonderful influence in my life. They show support by sending fond notes, re-tweeting the things I’ve deemed tweet-worthy, offering their blogs up for me and other writers, and showing a real interest and encouragement, not only for my book, but for me as a person—a three dimensional person with feelings, concerns, and aspirations.

Unfortunately, there are others out there I’ve been exposed to more peripherally, who employ the internet to demonstrate their rage and misery. They use it to try to bring others down to their level. Some are threatened by the colossal changes occurring in the publishing industry and are acting out in desperation. Others think writing is a competitive blood sport and that there isn’t enough room at the top for all of us. I beg to differ on that point. The camaraderie I’ve been fortunate enough to find has proven the exact opposite. Lifting each other up benefits everyone involved. Being nice offers opportunities for fruitful alliances, which can bring a slice of success to all. This doesn’t happen when you are stuffed with sour grapes and consider sabotage to be a satisfactory marketing tool. So with a brand new year ahead of us, I sing the praises of “nice”—of being it, expressing it, and recognizing and rewarding it in others. I think it’s catching on out there, and what could be nicer?

If you would like Bonnie to offer some advice on your personal relationship issue, contact her at loveahappyending.com@gmail.com

To find out more about Bonnie visit:-

Author page: http://loveahappyending.co.uk/bonnie-trachtenberg/

Author Website: http://www.bonnietrachtenberg.com/
Author Blog:  http://www.BonnieTrachtenberg.com/Bonnies-blog
Author Facebook Page: http://www.Facebook.com/BonnieTrachtenberg
Novel Facebook Page: http://www.Facebook.com/Wedlocked
Twitter A/c @writebrainedny: https://twitter.com/#!/writebrainedny

Please leave a comment

  1. Janice Says:

    Hi Bonnie – I don’t think your advice offering column idea is nice at all – I think it’s wonderful. (grin!!)

    I have a question for you: it’s about balancing life, relationships and work – how is it best achieved and is this something you have managed to do yourself?

    Love, Janice xx

  2. Sheryl Browne Says:

    What a fab post – and so true. Like you, Bonnie, I am one of those people who tries not to be hurtful (you never know what traumas even a stranger might be going through, after all, so why not just offer an encouraging smile). You expressed my sentiments exactly. I totally agree about the friendship and support offered by Love A Happy Ending – and generally from people with a genuine wish to support on FB and Twitter. The rest should be blocked or ignored. Good luck! 🙂

  3. Nicky Wells Says:

    What a NICE feature, Bonnie… Sorry, I couldn’t resist; very bad pun, I know! But I genuinely enjoyed your feature and your ruminations on the word ‘nice.’ Well done! Look forward to your next post here… XX

  4. Chris Longmuir Says:

    I agree with you, I’ve met a lot of nice people who reside mostly in my computer and iPad, and Love a Happy Ending is high up in the rankings of really nice people. So helpful and so talented (can’t forget that) and as for the readers, they are the best of the bunch.

  5. elizabeth Says:

    Bonnie – great post. I think we have both experienced how being “nice” has really helped us grow as people who give back and get back . I like having my friends tucked away in my laptop! and then I have you and some others that I get tpo see in the flseh! well done! elizabeth

  6. Donna Says:

    I really enjoyed reading this, Bonnie, and agree with everything you said wholeheartedly.

  7. Bonnie Trachtenberg Says:

    Thanks so much for your comments, everyone! Janice, I’ll be in touch on your question!

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